What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
