you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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