i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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