is your mom at the bar?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
