Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl

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(386): View more from Florida

Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.

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(660): View more from Missouri

How did you make it to work sans hangover?

(816): View more from Missouri

4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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(770): View more from Georgia

Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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(949): View more from California

You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard

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(636): View more from Missouri

I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.

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(316): View more from Kansas

It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...

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