Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
