i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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