I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
