You just made me feel so damn special
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
