I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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