Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
