Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
