I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize