I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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