im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
