my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
