you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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