When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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