so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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