Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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