My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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