piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish my penis had an off switch
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
