I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
