I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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