Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
