the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
