Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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