We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
