ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
