I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
