Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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