genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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