Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize