I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
