Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
