I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
