Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
