No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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