Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
