Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
