i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
