babies were throwing up all over the place
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
PANTIES FOUND
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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