shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
