Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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