And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
