Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
