so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
