We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
