wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
