Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
