Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
