Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
