Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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