Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
