Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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