I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
