Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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