I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
