You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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