there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
