remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize