Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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