maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
