why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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