I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
