He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I made him laugh his dick is mine
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
