My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
