is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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