I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
