for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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