wanna go halves on a baby?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
