i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm like, not good at living.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
