i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
