That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
