okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
