Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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