and you said cock pushups were impossible
babies were throwing up all over the place
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
