arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
