It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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