Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
