He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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