Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
