Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
did you just send me my own nude
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My feet surprised me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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