Your face is a jimmy john
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
