I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
