my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
