I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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