and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
