So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
