that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
