I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
