i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
