I think my vagina is haunted
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
