they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
