I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
