i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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