i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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