And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My bed smells like the plague
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