ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize