Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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