Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
